KITTY JOKES

KITTY JOKES

Here is my collection of Kitty Jokes, if you think you can do better (most probably you can since most of these are from the Human I live with) then send them in to me.

One day a cat dies of natural causes and goes to Heaven. There he meets the Lord himself. The Lord says to the cat, "You lived a good life and if there is any way I can make your stay in Heaven more comfortable, please let Me know."

The cat thinks for a moment and says, "Lord, all my life I have lived with a poor family and had to sleep on a hard wooden floor." The Lord stops the cat and says, "Say no more," and a wonderful fluffy pillow appears.

A few days later six mice are killed in a tragic farming accident and go to Heaven. Again the Lord is there to greet them with the same offer. The mice answer, "All of our lives we have been chased. We have had to run from cats, dogs, and even women with brooms. Running, running, running; we're tired of running. Do you think we could have roller skates so we don't have to run anymore?" The Lord says, "Say no more," and fits each mouse with beautiful new roller skates.

About a week later the Lord stops by to see the cat and finds him in a deep sleep on the pillow. The Lord gently wakes the cat and asks him, "How are things since you arrived?"

The cat stretches and yawns and replies, "It is wonderful here. Better than I could have ever expected. And those Meals on Wheels you've been sending by are the best!!!"

What did the cat say when he lost all his money ?
I'm paw !

What is the cat's favorite TV show ?
The evening mews !

Why did the cat frown when she passed the hen house ?
Because she heard fowl language !

What do you call a cat that has just eaten a whole duck ?
A duck filled fatty puss !

Why happened when the cat swallowed a coin ?
There was some money in the kitty !

What is lion's favorite food ?
Baked beings !

Why was the lion-tamer fined ?
He parked on a yellow lion !

Following a woman with a Cat out of the movie theater, a man stopped her and said, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I was amazed that your Cat seemed to get into the movie so much. He cried at the right spots, moved nervously at the boring spots, and laughed like crazy at the funny parts. Don't you find that unusual?
"Yes," she replied. "I find it very unusual. Especially considering that he hated the book!"

Mr. Wilson was in his backyard one hot sunny afternoon. He was about to go inside his house when he noticed the cranky old lady next door digging in her garden. "Sure is hot to be digging," he said.
"My bird died," said the old woman.
"Gee that's too bad." "That sure is a big hole for a bird," said Mr. Wilson.
"That's because he's inside your Cat!" said the woman as she patted down the last chunks of soil.

Q. What do you call a cat who does tricks?
A. A magic kit.

Q. Why did the mother cat put stamps on her kittens?
A. Because she wanted to mail a litter.

Q. Where did the kittens go on their class trip?
A. To a mewseum.

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